Monday morning I officiated at the burial service for a sweet man named Lyle. It was a foggy, gray morning, and the grass was wet as we walked quietly to the grave. His nephews carried his casket and placed it gently between his brother’s and his mother’s markers. I had done their funeral services too. There were many other members of my former congregation buried nearby. I felt that I was among friends as I read the names on the headstones.
The burial itself was brief. But, I always find these times powerfully moving especially as I utter the words “Remember you are dust and to dust you shall return, but the steadfast love of the Lord is forever.” I said a final prayer and then the flowers from the spray were given away before the casket was lowered. Goodbye Charlie. Charlie was the name Lyle’s family gave him.
Lyle got spinal meningitis as a first grader, and it deeply impacted him. He went back to school eventually but was never able to graduate. He worked at Goodwill helping to sort clothing. His mom volunteered at Goodwill running the jewelry counter. Lyle also spent a lot of time with his big brother Bill. Together they would take the bus to DQ, to the movies or bowling on Saturdays.
Lyle was a huge fan of Wheel of Fortune. He watched faithfully each night at 6:30. I was told he kept track of the categories on yellow legal pads. Each night he would write down what categories that particular show used. The family had piles and piles of small yellow legal pads filled with his neat block print. No one seemed to know why he did this but It was something he truly enjoyed. And there were so very many categories over the years. Categories like: people, things, places, before and after, around the house, characters , events, same name and so many more.
Lyle’s writing of each of the categories each night reminded me of one of his mom’s favorite Psalms. In Psalm 139 we read, “Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord know it completely” and “all the days ordained for me were written in your book”. All the words and the categories of Lyle’s life too were written in the book of life.
Lyle’s last few years were made harder by his arthritis and dementia. His caregivers made sure he still got his strawberry shakes from DQ and one special caregiver, Nicole sang to calm him most nights. The song he always wanted was “I think his name was John” by Reba McIntyre. Nicole sang a song about trying to remember to a man who could no longer remember.
As Ram Dass said, “We’re all just walking each other home.” Yes, and sometimes we sing, sometimes we share ice cream and other times we just sit and watch the wheel. We are fortunate for what we can remember trusting the one who remembers all the words and categories of each of our lives.
I close with a poem called “Resurrection”. It was written by my friend Anne Simpson. She wrote this poem in response to her husband Bob’s dementia.
We shed dry leaves
Our beauty,
Our health,
Our loved ones
The places we have belonged,
All such stuff as we are made of
We wriggle our toes
Deep into the soil
From which we came
To which we will return.
Our branches,
Gnarled and bare,
Stretch out to bless the world
We cannot hold
Reach to the sky and wait for Spring.
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