On Thursday I took my mom a dozen yellow roses. My dad often gave her yellow roses. The solstice would have been their 65th wedding anniversary. My dad died in 1984 leaving her a widow at the age of 48. She never remarried. Their marriage had its ups and downs, but what I remember most was the many, many small acts of kindness they shared with one another. Kind acts like his gifts of yellow roses.
My dad was the cook, as a butcher by trade, he knew how to cook a good piece of meat. He often made dinner for us when my mom had to work the mid-shift as a nurse. A family favorite was his macaroni with butter and ring bologna or his waffles and crisp bacon. My parents also shared a love for playing cards, dancing and kissing in the kitchen to which we kids would all go ewww. Yes, it is the small things that make a marriage work.
Love really is an act of the will, something you chose to do each day. As one of my seminary professors, Dr. Jim Nelson, once said, “I kiss my wife each morning and evening, not only because I love her but to remember that I promised I would love her.”
This Friday our daughter Maddie will make promises of love on the shores of Lake Superior. Again, it was and is the small things that matter. On their very first date, a run around Lake Bde Maka Ska in south Minneapolis, Cale brought water for them both. She excitedly called me shortly after that date saying, “He’s so thoughtful, he brought me water!”
Yes, it has been the small acts of kindness that have solidified their love. It’s things like Maddie’s love of cooking them dinner most nights and Cale taking care of their laundry. Her cheering on the high school soccer team he coaches. And Cale cheering her on through two marathons, even bringing their dog Kiki to the finish.
This Spring it was another run again along that first date shoreline where they become engaged. And on Friday on the shores of Lake Superior encircled by their families they will make their promises of love in calmness and storm from this day forward.
As I was working on their wedding celebration, I came across a poem by my friend Deb Cooper that I wanted to use because our Maddie is such a nighttime cuddler. I wrote Deb to ask permission to use it. She replied, Oh, I’m deeply touched and honored. Mazel tov. My own Madeline was married in a simple ceremony on the shore of Lake Superior. That too was a match!
I close with her poem, “In the Dark”
Lying beside you
In the dark,
I make of myself
A small boat
And drift away.
No matter where
Night lets me go,
I know I’ll wake
Against your shoreline.
Each pushing off’s the same,
Across whatever distance,
The bed,
The city or the sea.
Our hands
Tied in a soft knot,
Our arms,
Like kite-strings,
Keeping the way back.
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