This Summer I have officiated several small weddings. For the final meeting before one wedding, I met with the couple, Jim and Angela, around their kitchen table. In so many ways it was the perfect spot to work out the final details for their big day. Details like: who would read what, who would stand where and where would each piece of music go.
Jim is the music director of the church I served for a long time. We worked together for over 25 years. I was so grateful to be invited to be part of their day. Of course, music would be central to this service. He wrote several pieces for the celebration and found some incredible musicians to play. There also would be singing and as it always is with Jim some improvising.
As we planned their day, their combined kids, dog and cat kept coming through the sliding glass doors to the kitchen from the back porch. The kids came to grab more enchiladas that Jim had made or to finish the vegetables Angela had grilled. The dog came by to say hi, the cat was less inclined to be seen. In the midst of all of this it was agreed the boys would speak and his daughter and the dog would have the rings. Their lives were merging in so many ways and it was chaotically beautiful.
One of the readings they agreed on was Stephen Mitchell’s version of Psalm 1. I hadn’t known of this translation, but it has become one of my favorites. It reads,
“Blessed are the man and the woman
who have grown beyond themselves
and have seen through their separations.
They delight in the way things are
and keep their hearts open, day and night.”
I especially like the line, “they delight in the way things are.” I always have couples write letters to one another about what they appreciate about the other and their life together. They then read these letters to each other the day before the wedding. I also use excerpts from what they have written for my homily. Angela in her letter echoed the thoughts of the Psalmist when she wrote, “I searched my heart to explain in a letter what you mean to me. The love I feel is a beauty beyond understanding. I love you because…well….not because you make my life easier. “
Love is never easy, but life can be so much fuller and beautiful with it. Earlier this Summer I noticed on Facebook that a couple whose wedding I had officiated at Pebble Beach on the shores of Lake Superior posted for their 18th anniversary, “The words the pastor used when marrying us was to describe being married as having a ‘witness to your life.’ I have the greatest witness. . .”
The words about having a witness come from the 2004 movie Shall We Dance. In that movie Susan Sarandon who is playing the part of Beverly Clark says to her husband John, “We need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet — I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things — all of it, all of the time, every day. You’re saying ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness’.” At the end of the movie John and Beverly end up dancing in their kitchen.
One other wedding I had this Summer was also on the shores of Pebble Beach at Split Rock Lighthouse. It was my daughter’s and her partner Cale. They also brought their dog, Kiki. On that beautiful summer day they made their sacred promises to one another. Cale said to my girl, “Home is whenever I am by your side.” I think she has found her greatest witness too.
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